The death of a loved one is one of the most difficult times of our lives, and is a time when we might prefer not to have to deal with some of the lasting decisions that are forced upon us. The information provided here is designed to help you to find your way through some of the decisions that need to be made at this time.
If you wish to discuss arranging a funeral then please contact the Assistant Minister the Revd. Dr. Judith Palmer (01904 613356), except on Mondays when you should contact the Vicar, the Revd. Martin Harrison, (01904 490683).
This might be a time when you wish to contact Cruse Bereavement Care.
You will probably have decided whether you would like the funeral to take
place in church or at the crematorium. If the service is to be at the
crematorium, you should discuss any musical arrangements with the funeral
director, although the minister conducting the service will usually be pleased
to help and advise you on what may or may not be appropriate.
If the service is to be in church, it is usual to choose two hymns. The
Order of Service of the Church of England will be set out in the church
service book, but there are plenty of opportunities for the family to add
personal touches. The most obvious way is through music (i.e. your loved
one’s favourite piece of music {this does not have to be religious} or a
favourite hymn), or a poem, piece of prose or a
Bible passage, which could be read by a friend. Some families like to place
a valued object on the coffin at the start of the service.
All these things will need to be agreed with the minister who will be very pleased to help and guide you. Any practical changes you may wish to make - like having the coffin carried by friends or family members, for example - must be discussed in advance with the Funeral Director.
In the weeks and months following the death of someone we love, we should expect to feel many different and difficult emotions. How we respond will be personal and individual, and strong feelings may take a long time to come to the surface, but common reactions include disbelief, shock, anger, guilt and depression. Often people are overwhelmed by a strange numbness which makes it hard to face everyday life, or are subject to frightening mood-swings, or find themselves re-living again and again the events leading up to the death. This can result in feelings of guilt and anxiety. These are all perfectly natural reactions and are part of coming to terms with terrible loss. Many people are comforted by the thought that they can create a tangible memorial to their loved one.
For information about memorials please see our page on churchyard regulations.
Every year we have an evening service (normally in November) when our loved ones are remembered with thanksgiving for their lives. You will find details of this near the time on our What's On page. You are invited to give their names to the Vicar before the service and come along for a time of quiet reflection with others who also will be mourning their loss. Please note this service is for all who mourn the loss of loved ones irrespective of when they died or where they are buried.
Useful Contacts
Phil Thomas, secretary to the York Diocesan Advisory Committee, Diocesan
House, Aviator court, Clifton Moor, York, YO30 4WJ
(01904 699522). Administrator (01904 699522)
Email: phil.thomas@yorkdiocese.org
Website:
www.dioceseofyork.org.uk
The Diocesan Registry, Stamford House,
Piccadilly, York, YO1 9PP
(01904 623487)
Strensall and Towthorpe Parish Council,
c/o the Clerk, Mrs S Walker,
2 Brickyard Cottages, Brecks Lane, Strensall, York, YO32 5UZ (01904
490035)
Website:
www.strensallparishcouncil.co.uk/
Cruse Bereavement Care, Cruse House,
126 Sheen Road, Richmond, Surrey, T
W9 1UR
(020 8939 9530)
email: helpline@crusebereavementcare.org.uk
Website:
www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
Memorials by Artists,
Snape Priory, Saxmundham, Suffolk,
IP17 1SA
(01728 688934)
Email: enquiries@memorialsbyartists,co.uk
Website:
www.memorialsbyartists.co.uk
The National association of Memorial Masons,
27 Albert Street, Rugby, Warwickshire,
CV1 2SG
(01788 542264).
Website:
www.namm.org.uk
The Living Churchyards Scheme,
The Yorkshire Wildlife Trust, 10 Toft green, York, YO1 6JT
(01904 659570) Living Churchyards Officer (01904 650451)
Email: info@yorkshire.cix.co.uk
Website:
http://www.ywt.org.uk/living_churchyards.php